Chino Vallley: the next leg of the journey

Leaving California was a traumatic experience, and I can't say that the first year in Arizona has been soothing to the soul.  I do, however, feel that there has been a positive shift.  I have made some lovely, trustworthy friends here with creative spirits, integrity, and kind hearts.  I have made my way, despite all odds, with a 6 year old horse, a 2 year old hyperactive pup, and a cantankerous old cat.  I have viewed sunsets that could never be painted because the viewer would know you were lying.  I have witnessed stars so low that I can see light years away to only a flicker. I have seen landscapes so beautiful that I was left in total awe.  There hasn't been much time for art making over the past year, so I have had to live a balanced, creative life to stay healthy, breathe deeply, cry loudly, and laugh daily.  I am blessed now with a new muse.  He is a song in my heart, a twinkle in my eye, a joy to my spirit.  I have finished 3 books in the past month as gifts.  A hard-covered beauty for his birthday, a love letter, and a new structure of 4 accordions that transform into a box.  I am happy. I recently looked at a very dear friend who flew in from Los Angeles, and with tears in my eyes, said, "Is it safe to be happy again?"  I was assured that it is, so I have trusted his word, and am living like every day is a New Blessing, a new lease on life.  The grandsons are visiting soon, and I am very excited to have them in my new home.  I want to run and skip and sing songs with Jack, and lay on the floor and let Sawyer crawl around while I nibble his toes and tickle him.  Of course Willow will get in on the act, and will slobber their faces with pup kisses, and Pepito will run and hide in the closet, disgusted with any creature less than 4 feet tall.  A new job is around the corner, and I look forward to a New Beginning once again.  New students, colleagues, parents, administrators. I know this routine, but it is always a first.  I am indebted to the support and love of all of my students, beginning in 1979.  They continue to show me that I am on the right path, and that my work is worthy.  Their texts and visits and Facebook notes are treasured in my heart.  I hope they know that their light and joy has carried me when things look glum and gloomy.  So, yes, it is safe, and I am breathing deeply, and delighted to be happy, truly, again.

Sawyer Brady

I'm feeling sad that my Sawyer doesn't yet know Grammy's face and voice.  He doesn't know my genuine cackle, or my crazy dog.  He hasn't figured out that I have lost most of my common sense in raising children which has led me to become an indulgent granmama.  He doesn't know that a shrug or a maybe means "most likely."  Nor does he know that my role as Grammy has become my most treasured persona.  It is a sense of pride, a sense of "I made it without having to kill myself getting there" (hmmmm...), a sense of glory that has shoes to fill that are larger than the giant's at the top of the beanstalk.  I didn't see Sawyer Brady emerge into the Outer World, nor see his momma at nine months pregnant.  He will have to trust Jack's opinion I guess.  He will have to see Jack's stable, chunky legs leap into my arms and nestle his face into my neck.  He will have to hear Jack make some ridiculous grunt that is his dog sound when he lays eyes on Willow.  He will have to experience his mother's face when Jack hands Tillie Horse a carrot, and his fingers are too close to her big, grinding teeth (but never really close enough).  And he will definitely have to fit on my lap with Jack while we play fetch with Willow.  Willow never fetches and retrieves the toy unless we are playing with Jack.  She thinks it's a game of keep-away, unless Jack is bouncing up and down with me chanting, "There she goes, there she goes!" Then "Here she comes, here she comes!"  It doesn't work for her if it is just plain old Linda without Granma attached.  So I trust that my Sawyer will have plenty of opportunities to explore the natural world with me.  I have to trust that he will find my eccentricities as alluring as Jack. Yet, truly, there is no doubt.  Sawyer will feel my full heart and if he's anything like me and Jack, will most likely know that Grammy's lap is very close to a throne.

Home on the Range

I guess it's about time that I shared a bit about The Move to Arizona.  I have made monthly trips home to see the grandsons (Sawyer Brady was born December 17, 2010), except for this past month due to the work involved with directing the Fine Arts Festival.  I love the climate here (although it's been a tad too cold lately for my thin blood), and the landscape is fabulous.  Willow the Wonder Dog is probably the happiest.  She gets a very long, sad face when we jump in the car bound for Los Angeles.  "Why would we ever leave the ranch?" she says every inch of the 433 miles.  Tillie Horse is doing much better since she adjusted and began putting on some weight.  And feisty Pepito...well, he's just not so feisty any more. He has taken on the life of a retired gentleman, who is no longer afraid of visitors, and just wishes they'd share a bit off their plates and stay a while.  He has gained a few pounds, and has more of a waddle, than a walk.  The students are just great here, and they've kinda grown on me in a good way.  Willow sees everyone of them as her own kids.

The best visit so far was when Chelsea (pregnant with Sawyer) and Jack made the October trip.  Jack loves visiting the studios and amusing all the big kids with his painting and clay skills.  He loves the wide open space, and green lawns, and visiting the horses Up Top.  He flew in as Buzz Lightyear and trick-or-treated for his first time to a few of the local teachers' homes.  I even captured a cicada for him so he could examine it's big ugly head and cellophane wings more closely.  I sure do miss those two little ones, and am looking forward to squeezing them tight as soon as I can.